Drug recovery might sound like the last place to find everlasting friendship, but it could very well be one of the best places for meeting people interested in real connection. Forging lifelong friendship in recovery happens more often than you might expect.
Here’s a quick overview of why you shouldn’t be surprised in the slightest at the possibility of newfound friendship in recovery:
#1. We Seek Help in Dire Times
Humans are social animals – we survive in a pack, not in solitude. In fact, exile and rejection are so deadly to us that we feel real physical pain when someone pushes us out of our social standing. It is ingrained within us to fit into a group.
Today more than ever, finding a group that matches our personality and perceived emotional needs is easy. In the past, conforming to society or seeking to change it was the only way to survive – today, we can move in and out of social circles and find new ones through the Internet.
But this also comes at a price. The transient nature of connectivity in the modern world makes real connection harder to come by – “social networking” is superficial, and often wrought with half-truths. We tend to isolate ourselves instead of finding new groups to belong to. While seeking a community, we drive each other into solitude.
Addiction is sometimes seen as linked to this problem. When people have problems, they seek help – and when they have no one to turn to, they might turn to alternatives such as drugs. But when drugs are the problem, the only solution to turn to is people. And it is from friendship in recovery that we find our way towards sobriety.
Friendship in recovery can be the people you attend meetings with, other people in your sober living building, or the other patients in a rehab clinic. It can even be the other people you talk to about addiction online. Treatment brings people together, and creates the perfect environment to open to one another.
#2. Treatment Encourages Us to Be Real
You cannot treat yourself without being honest about yourself. You can maintain sobriety through sheer will for a while, but if you don’t examine the cause or effects of your addiction, you won’t make much progress towards long-term sobriety.
Some people get addicted because of a tough time in their life. One thing led to the next, and after a few months, it became an unmanageable problem. Others found themselves medicating a deeper issue, such as a case of childhood trauma, or severe depression. And others yet had no obvious reason to turn to drugs other than unfortunate circumstances, yet find themselves struggling with symptoms of anxiety and paranoia due to their drug use.
Beyond being honest with yourself, successful sobriety requires you to be honest with others. There is little room for secrets surrounding your addiction in a recovery community – the key to helping one another stay motivated and sober is friendship in recovery as well as trust.
#3. Sobriety is A Common Cause
The first step to friendship in recovery is finding something you have in common with another person. In a recovery community, everyone has something in common. And while addiction and sobriety is not enough to ensure a bond of lasting friendship, it can be the perfect first step needed to test the waters and make new acquaintances. It all starts with talk about challenges, temptations and goals, and from there you might find out that both you and your next-door neighbor share a passion for sports, or music, or Indian food.
You may be surprised at who you’ll find friendship in recovery with if you keep an open eye and an open mind.
#4. Beating Addiction Together Is Friendship In Recovery
To beat an addiction, you have to become a good friend. That may sound like a strange statement, but upon further examination it quickly makes a lot of sense. Firstly, addiction is not something you can overcome without changing.
Here’s how you would have to change: To remove the emotional aspect of addiction, you have to dedicate yourself to living a new kind of life, one you can enjoy without psychological detriment. Depression, anxiety, fear, stress – life is full of instances wherein we are filled with dread, uncertainty, doubt and anger. People with a history of drug addiction need to know how to deal with these issues without falling prey to a relapse.
As such, beating an addiction means learning how to deal with yourself, be in control of your emotions, and return to a state of fulfillment even in dire and complicated situations. It also means understanding self-love. Self-love is knowing what you are worth as a person: it’s neither narcissism nor self-deprecation, but rather a security in knowing that, flawed as you are, you have the potential to be and do whatever is necessary.
Effectively, an addiction treatment program teaches you how to be secure with yourself and it teaches you to control and manage your emotions. Right off the bat, that gives you the potential to find friendship in recovery. Friends are there to support each other: they are sympathetic to each other’s struggles, and encourage each other to do better in life. Good friends don’t jump in and rescue each other at the slightest sign of danger – they toss a lifebuoy and yell “swim harder!”.
Few challenges are as substantial as overcoming addiction. Addiction strips people of their control and self-love, and regaining those two things takes time. But once you have found a place in life where your past is no longer a threatening force that looms over you, but a series of unfortunate circumstances and mistakes you have learned from, you can begin to appreciate what it means to achieve something substantial – and you can sense when it’s time to encourage someone, and when it’s time to step in and help them with all your might.
Good friendships aren’t just forged through fun and social amicability. Good friendships are forged through hardship. And addiction is a hardship you cannot overcome alone. The social aspect to recovery can never be understated, because it is imperative that people realize they are not alone in their struggle. Others have beaten their addiction before you, and you’ll have the power to help others continue to evade their old habits and maintain a sober life.
Ultimately, you are responsible for your life and your sobriety. But recovery is a team effort, and you’ll likely find many people among your team whom you’ll be honored to call friend.