A relapse occurs when someone who is in recovery uses drugs again. There are many ways to describe relapses, and many of them involve words like “fail” or “end”. Yet a relapse is neither a failure, nor an ending.
This is an important premise to set when discussing what a relapse actually is – and how you can manage to come away from this experience with something valuable in mind.
Why Relapses Aren’t Failures
To begin with, it is important to explain why relapses occur. While you may not know it, relapses are unfortunately quite common among many people struggling to stay sober for long periods of time during their recovery. Rather than see this as a sign that most people are “too weak-willed” to see their recovery through to the end, it is important to reframe what a relapse might mean.
Relapses occur when there are flaws in your recovery process. And this is most definitely to be expected, especially on the first attempt at sobriety. If you have been addicted for years and finally managed to take your first step towards a different kind of life, then the change from being addicted to being clean and sober for days on end can be drastic. People tend to mix their sobriety with many other drastic changes, some of which are beneficial and some of which can further apply stress to the situation and make it difficult to cope.
As a coping mechanism, addiction is potent at making us forget our problems and run away from them – drugs are great for escapism, but they do not solve anything, instead only prolonging the problem. When you’re clean, all your problems often come crashing down on you, while your usual coping mechanism is verboten.
So, what do you do? If it’s your first time around, and you’re reaching your limits, then the overwhelming nature of it all is likely to trigger a relapse. Couple that with many of the various triggers people are often not aware of the first time around, and it becomes difficult to resist the allure of going back to using after your first sober stint.
This does not make relapsing a good thing, and neither does it mean a relapse is meant to end your recovery. Instead, take this mistake and see it as a bump in the road. In some cases, it won’t be the first time. However, the big question now is: what do you do next?
Recovering into Recovery
The most important thing to do when first relapsing is remembering to not give up. No matter how hard it is to promise yourself that you will keep trying, you have to make a commitment to your continued sobriety despite any current and future setbacks.
Just like admitting your addiction is the first step to getting better, accepting that relapses can happen is the first step to moving past them. If you continue to fear your relapse, and fear that it will lead to a never-ending cycle, then you will have even more trouble maintaining sobriety. Relapses are not positive experiences, but you can turn them into something better, and create a more positive outcome for yourself.
That relies on going back into treatment. Most clinics and treatment programs know that patients can relapse, and often do. It is important to go back over what you learned while in rehab or sober living and find a sober lifestyle that best suits you. From there, examine what went wrong the last time.
Was there a specific emotional trigger for the relapse? Was it triggered by an intense craving, or a memory? Did something or someone weaken your resolve? Or did you stray from program, and find yourself losing the motivation to stay clean?
Doing something repeatedly and consistently requires not just motivation, but discipline. However, having something to anchor yourself to can help you stay on your path. Consider who in your life is most important to you and remind yourself of them when you feel tempted to use. Accountability can be a powerful tool for combating cravings after the initial early recovery period.
If you find yourself constantly craving and combatting powerful emotions, you may not be ready to stay sober on your own. Move back into a sober living home, or if you have not considered that option, find one to move into.
If your relapse was triggered, eliminating the trigger can help. Eventually, you will find the strength to resist a relapse even with old memories of using come back, but it isn’t a good idea to burden yourself with additional stress by letting triggers – such as places, certain music, and even certain people – back into your life. Find ways around old neighborhoods, cut out friends that are not supportive of your sobriety or continue to use around you (or talk about using), and if the option is available to you, consider temporarily moving to a different home – close to your friends and family, but away from old memories.
Make an Effort to Go Out
After a relapse, it is incredibly tempting to simply lock yourself away – many people struggle to recovery emotionally, instead feeling shame for giving in, or regret for using again. The idea of being out and about with others might be unpleasant especially if you are not a very sociable person to begin with, but the key to overcoming a relapse is fortifying your sobriety: by making it fun.
You must try but consider going out more often. Find sober parties, things to do, classes to attend, people to hang out with. If you live near or in a major city, there are half a dozen things for you to do in any given neighborhood at any given point in time, and none of them would involve alcohol or drugs.
By turning your sobriety into the chance to experience a new perspective of life, rather than a form of punishment for your sins, you drastically improve your chances of staying sober.
It’s a Learning Experience
Relapses are just that: learning experiences. They teach you about your emotional limits, help you explore yourself in sobriety, and give you a direction to avoid, hinting at the right path instead. After a relapse, you must reflect and consider what went wrong. Consider what you should change.
Regardless of how many times it takes, never let a relapse throw you off your long-term goal. It does get easier, with time, if you manage to find a way to learn from each stumble rather than consistently repeating the same mistakes.