In drug addiction, a relapse is a moment in time when the urge to use again overcomes your ability to commit to sobriety. Because of how it forces you to betray your own long-term self-interest, the first and foremost emotion felt after a relapse is anger.
It’s normal – anyone struggling with sobriety while truly doing their best to stay sober will be extremely angry with themselves after a relapse. Then, the guilt sets in, followed by disillusion and cynicism.
However, while no one in recovery really wants to relapse – just like no one wants to end up being chained to drug use – relapses continue to be common. Most cases of drug recovery lead to at least one relapse before the first year of continuous sobriety is achieved.
But instead of being angry at yourself for what you might perceive as betrayal, it’s better to try and understand why relapses happen. That way, you can examine yourself and figure out what you need to do differently – and most importantly, it’ll help you be at peace with yourself.
Why Relapse Is Common
The prevalent theory is that relapse is part of addiction’s nature as a chronic disease, an unavoidable truth for most people going into recovery. Regardless of whether you believe that addiction is a chronic brain illness or a different type of mental challenge, it doesn’t change that relapses in recovery are very common.
Relapses occur because someone in recovery isn’t automatically equipped with the toolset needed to combat the stress of sobriety, and life, right after having a primary coping mechanism ripped away from them. It takes time to build the stress management needed to deal with living, it takes time to cope with the things you have done as an addict, it takes time to heal relationships, find new ways to define yourself, and figure out what your own personal meaning of a fulfilling life is.
It takes time, and until that time has passed and these things have come to fruition, the chances of a relapse are high. That is because while everyone in recovery is fighting in earnest, drugs remain to be an extremely powerful influence, a very addictive way to easily deal with life’s problems. And without drugs, life in recovery is difficult, hallmarked by struggles and learning experiences. They’re not a sign of weakness, but a part of the process. Relapsing should never be seen as a failure, but as a step in sobriety. Just like how athletes experience injuries and setbacks, struggling to stay sober while fighting an addiction can sometimes mean you find yourself using again. When you do, all you can do is stop, and figure out a better way to keep yourself from doing that again.
Relapse Warning Signs
A relapse doesn’t just happen – most of the time, there are symptoms that com before. You need to recognize these symptoms and see them as signs to evaluate your recovery and make some needed changes.
The first and foremost symptom is feeling nostalgic. It’s alright to look back on your past and feel alright with what you’ve done – but it’s not alright to romanticize your days as an addict, or think about how just one drink wouldn’t hurt. Always remind yourself of the harm that your addiction caused, and understand the slippery slope – if you start down it, there’s no stopping the force of gravity and dangerous lack of proper friction.
Another dangerous factor is when you find yourself veering off the path of recovery. There’s a difference between not going to meetings anymore because you’ve reached a balanced point in your life after years of being sober, and just quitting your therapy and treatment a few months after rehab. If you find yourself not doing what needs to be done to stay sober, then stop, take a breath, and reevaluate your priorities. Remember why you want to stay clean, and try to figure out why you didn’t want to go on with recovery. We do things for a reason, not just out of the blue.
Other warning signs include being defensive about aggressive or paranoid behavior, and becoming overly cynical. It’s normal to be in something of an emotional rollercoaster throughout the first few months of recovery – but be careful about just how much your mood and emotion affects your judgment.
Making Relapse Less Frequent
Relapses occur, but they most certainly don’t occur for no reason at all. There are triggers that cause relapses, and avoiding them can be very difficult, especially early on. Something as simple as getting in touch with an old friend can cause you to go down a spiral of destructive thinking, and reminiscing. The influence that your memories has on you in early recovery is very strong, so avoiding any connotations and connections to your old life is paramount.
This means places, people, and even other things such as sounds and sights – get into some new music, make new friends, and try to find hobbies that bring you into different parts of town.
Sobriety is about freedom, and cutting yourself off from activities, places and people isn’t exactly an act of freedom. However, it’s temporary. Ultimately, the goal of addiction recovery is for you to be at peace with the past and with yourself – and to live a life where drugs don’t matter anymore. By then, you may also be content enough with your life to feel ambivalent about many old triggers.
As a final disclaimer, it’s important to account for the cases of addiction recovery without relapses. Relapses are common, but not universal, and there are cases of recovery where people simply make the decision not to use again, and then stop using.
While everybody in addiction recovery should endeavor to abstain from drug use from day one, and do their best in that task, most stumble and fall a few times before they learn how to run and fly. That doesn’t make you weak for relapsing, or someone else stronger for not. Different genes, circumstances and scenarios mean no two cases of addiction can be accurately compared for metrics like strength and willpower. All that matters is the end result – and the end result of every story of recovery is sobriety, as long as you don’t give up. It’s not a race. It’s a journey.