One of the biggest misconceptions surrounding sobriety and addiction recovery is that the second you sign into a sober living home or a rehab facility, you’re handing in your soul and are damning yourself to a life of prudishness and dreary boredom. There are countless jokes and quips about how sobriety is the death of fun.
However, sobriety can be fun. You just have to know how to have fun in the first place. If you’re new to being sober after spending most of your time at parties getting drunk, it can be hard to imagine what a party must be like without booze.
Sober parties are fun, but they’re a very different kind of fun. If your idea of partying involved lots of alcohol and loud music, then you’re going to have a very limited array of options for mimicking that. Sober parties involve having fun while being entirely aware of it – which is tough for most people coming out of recovery.
For someone with a history of addiction, self-awareness is all too awkward and uncomfortable, especially in a very social setting. Before you throw a sober party, you must ask yourself if you’re entirely comfortable with the idea of being around a lot of people without booze – or if you’re ready to get into a “party mood” without a drop to drink. It gets a bit easier with time, as you get to know your sober self, and what you enjoy doing. But don’t be surprised if your first few parties might feel weird, or at least wildly different from what you’re used to. That being said, here’s what you need to know:
Make The “Sober” Part Clear
The biggest difference between a regular party and a sober party is the lack of booze. But because celebrations and alcohol are so synonymous, it’s critical that you make that abundantly clear. It’s also important to know that you may not get that many people to come the first time around. If you have freshly-sober friends, they may not be comfortable going to a party just yet. If you have friends who still drink liberally, banning booze might just turn them off to the idea of going.
Don’t give in. No matter what, it’s important to absolutely ban booze at a sober party, especially if you and/or the people you’re inviting are recovering. A lot of recovering alcoholics have trouble going to parties and staying completely clean, and many long-term sober people may find celebrations quite stressful despite learning all the ins and outs of avoiding alcohol at parties. By staying adamant about your no-booze rule, you create a welcoming atmosphere for people wanting to socialize but avoid temptation.
Know Your Friends
The themes of the party are going to depend entirely on who you’re inviting. For some, something as simple as a sober backyard barbeque with good rock music can be a party. No one needs booze to enjoy music, unless it’s particularly bad. If you and your friends are more into games, then plan a night or a day all around them, from infuriating board games to Cards Against Humanity, boules, football, or party video games.
If your friends are far more into food than playing around, then plan a potluck. Task everyone with bringing something homecooked or get everyone together to plan and cook a giant five-course dinner.
If the people you’re inviting don’t all know each other, it’s important to have something planned to get everyone to introduce themselves and talk a little bit about who they are. You can turn it into a game, or just make it a priority to have everyone give a little wave and say hi. As a host, go around and make sure everyone has gotten acquainted.
Food and Drinks Matter
Both food and drinks matter, but the food matters more than the drinks. Regarding beverages, here are a few important rules:
- Don’t get imitation alcohol. Non-alcoholic beers, champagnes or wines are a bad idea. However, punches and fruit drinks might be a different story.
- Get a variety of drinks going. Make some of your own and buy a few. Be a little adventurous with your purchases and consider getting novelty drinks you might not have heard of before – they can become interesting conversation starters.
- Keep the drinks cool and keep them coming. Give everyone something to drink.
For the most part, it’s best if the focus is on the meal rather than the drinks. If you’re going for a themed party, keep the theme going through the drinks and food. For example: if you’re going Indian, offer lassi, jal-jeera, tea, and thandai, alongside a variety of meal options, including meat-based dishes, some fish for the pescatarians, and entirely plant-based dishes for any potential vegans/vegetarians. There’s an infinite number of themes and possibilities online for you to explore and try out.
Not Everyone Might Like It
Some will never be convinced that sobriety is fun. This is epitomized by “dry drunk” behavior – when someone struggling with alcohol addiction is committed to quitting drinking but hates every moment of being sober. This is relatively normal for the first few weeks of recovery, where both the mind and body must take time to adjust to being drug-free and coping with the various challenges that poses. Many use drugs like alcohol to deal with emotional pain and remove themselves from the world, cutting away at fear and anger by watering it down with a consistent stream of booze. But once the tap is out, the emotions come flooding back in, with a vengeance.
The fallout for weeks, months, and years of bottling up one’s emotions is a rollercoaster ride of ups, downs, and twists. It’s no wonder many end up miserable, at first. But then the truth starts to set in, and people realize that they had been drinking their lives away. Alcohol doesn’t make things fun – it just lets you forget the bad things, but also eliminates the good. Relationships fall away, careers are destroyed, and lives end.
But with sobriety, you get to live life as it is: some good, some bad, and a lot in between. It’s your choice whether you choose to remember the good and work for more of it, or wallow in the bad and never truly find out how good life can be.