Due to the recent opioid crisis and years of pop-culture discussions, our concept of addiction is at times flawed. As a nation, there is still an undeniable stigma against addiction – some see it as a moral weakness rather than an illness. And as a nation, addiction is still too often tied to substances, especially illicit ones, given the role prescription medication and alcohol have played. Yet beyond that, many still see addiction as a matter of substance abuse only. That’s not true however. Addiction comes in many forms, and affects many people, regardless of background. For some, addiction is at the bottom of a wine or pill bottle, while for others, it is in the annals of a pornography website, or the seedy room of a local motel in the form of sex addiction.
Sex addiction, like many other behavioral addictions, can be just as destructive and problematic as an opioid addiction or alcoholism. But to understand why people get addicted to something as commonplace and natural as sex, it is important to clarify our definitions of addiction and understand where it starts.
Defining Addiction
Addiction can be defined as detrimental obsessive behavior. It is when a person experiences a compulsive need to do something to soothe themselves, to the point that it may hurt them and others around them. Yet unlike OCD, addiction is caused by an external trigger and tied to the reward center of the brain. It is intricately tied to pleasure and stress-relief, and to the concept of motivation. Compulsions are tied to fear and anxiety.
Addictive drugs are defined as addictive because they mimic certain neurotransmitters in the brain related to pleasure, happiness, and motivation.
Just like how drugs can become addictive, certain behavior can become addictive due to maladaptive coping. This makes behavioral addictions work like substance addictions in terms of brain chemistry and individual differences in neurobiology, but while substance use can go from innocent experimentation to full-blown addiction, behavioral addiction is typically tied to stress or trauma.
For example: food addictions, or food disorders, are often tied to self-esteem issues, and codependency with depression and anxiety. While substance use can also be a matter of self-medication and maladaptive coping, it often is not.
How Sex Addiction Affect Lives
The important thing to know when talking about sex, addiction and healthy behavior is stress. Stress is a normal part of daily life – and dealing with it is a big part of being human. Everyone copes differently to different stressors – we have our own rituals, living standards and traditions to cope with everyday stress, and we have our own ways of grieving and coping with loss and significant pain.
Yet when the stress is too great, we can get locked in a loop of needing constant relief from that lasting trauma. Certain traumas leave a psychological fracture in people – if not treated or personally overcome, that crack will leave lasting symptoms, including flashbacks, suppressed memories, depression, self-esteem issues and anxieties. Many seek out pleasurable activities to fight the symptoms, from exercise to sex to food and drugs.
While it often is, sex addiction does not have to be linked to trauma. The brain tells us sex is good, because part of our blueprint is the desire to procreate. So, we use sex to deal with stress, until that repetitive behavior becomes a loop we cannot escape from. Some people are more prone to this than others, due to unique intricacies in the brain that vary from person to person.
Healthy Behavior vs. Addictive Behavior
Sex is healthy, and for most people, it is an important part of leading a healthy life. As much as we like to avoid the topic, many of our desires and social behaviors are tied to concepts like libido and sexuality – embracing the importance of healthy, safe, and communicative sex can help address relationship issues and more. Suppressing or avoiding the topic can have negative consequences, and lead to miscommunication, and even sexual violence.
Yet just like any other enjoyable activity, sex can go from being a healthy part of life to becoming a dependence, an issue of self-control and obsession. Sex addiction implies a massive dependence on sex for happiness, fulfilment, and stress relief, to the point that it becomes an unavoidable need for many addicts, to the point where many would go so far as to sacrifice careers, relationships, and fortunes to address this need. Once a behavior crosses the line from being positive to having a massive negative influence, it is time to get help and examine things with a greater perspective.
Treating A Sex Addiction
Treatment for addiction often implies sobriety, but in the case of something like sex or food, it is hard to stay “sober”. Instead of setting patients up for failure with concepts like lifelong abstinence and chastity, the emphasis in sex addiction treatment is put on fixing a patient’s relationship to sex and others and helping them understand where their thought process went wrong – so they can catch themselves in the act and correct their thinking accordingly.
This makes specific treatment difficult to describe, as everyone must find methods that suit themselves best. Developing better coping mechanisms for stress is important, so as not to misuse sex to run away from pain or problems. Relationship counseling can help broken marriages and relationships, while therapy can help you better understand your addictive behavior and give you the tools to stop specific thoughts before they turn into actions.
Addiction treatment always begins with a desire for change. While the law has provisions in place to allow family members and the courts to forcibly send someone into treatment, treatment itself can only begin when the patient acknowledges the issue and wholeheartedly takes their first step towards a better, healthier understanding of sex.
Sex addiction, like food addiction, cannot be solved through sobriety or even abstinence. There is a natural inclination in most people to seek out a partner and procreate, just as we all go hungry eventually.
The key lies in understanding what led to this twisted relationship with sex, and finding a way to fix it, overcome the issue, and live a psychologically healthy life surrounded by supportive individuals and strong, effective coping mechanisms for stress and struggle.
Some people find their best route towards a life like this lies in group meetings, 12-step programs, or God. Others take a clinical approach, utilizing medicine and talk therapy. Others yet channel their frustrations into productive and creative endeavors. There is no clear-cut way, no tried-and-true method that fits any set of circumstances and necessities. But by working with professionals, you can find the methods that suit you best and overcome your addiction in time.