Substance use has many effects on the human mind and the body. When a person imbibes, the drugs in their bloodstream make their way to the brain and begin to trigger a series of effects. Some substances make people drowsy or unfocused. Others help them achieve a higher level of mental and physical performance. And all illicit and controlled substances, in general, trigger the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, thus creating fleeting feelings of happiness, and euphoria.
Then it all goes away. And often, when it all goes away, people find themselves in a worse place than before, with the only immediately clear way out to be another ride through that series of feelings and emotions. For some, drug use becomes a way to escape reality, avoid problems, and live a happier life – but the long-term consequences are disastrous as the problems fester, and the drugs begin to take a toll on the brain and the body.
For others, addiction is a gradual and slippery slope, with no clear indications of anything dangerous until it is much too late.
But in all cases, addiction becomes a journey of loss. People lose their jobs, their family, and their dignity. And loneliness begins to seep in. Addiction will strain relationships, and often break them – but the break never has to be permanent. By understanding how addiction progresses and affects those around them, people can better understand the journey towards recovery, long-term sobriety, and a healthier and more satisfying life.
Addiction Will Become Your Relationship
The simplest way to explain why relationships are unsustainable during an addiction is this: your addiction will become your relationship. The one and only relationship you ever care about. Addiction knocks everything out of its path, culling your priorities and replacing them with a single most important task – fueling the addiction.
In the beginning, drug use might go from being an occasional habit to becoming a useful tool to cope with day-to-day stress. It helps you stay happy, blow off some steam, deal with problems. But as the addiction progresses, so do the problems – and the cycle grows. Eventually, the addiction trumps all. Including the relationships between you and your loved ones.
The good news is that it does not have to be that way, and there is always time to go back and fix things. It starts with recovery, and relearning what it means to trust – and be trusted.
Addiction and Trust
Addiction is a brain disease, characterized by behavior that implies an inability to control one’s own drug use, as well as the compulsive need for another high, to the point of extreme risk-taking and uncharacteristic behavior. Sometimes, addiction can even lead to self-destructive or criminal behavior, due to a diminished level of critical thinking, risk-assessment, and problem solving. These issues are introduced by excessive drug use, which changes the way the brain is wired, and often damages brain tissue, thus affecting cognition.
As such, people have a hard time trusting addicts, and there is a strong stigma against both addiction and those who struggle with it. Rather than seeing it as a brain disorder, many see addiction as a personal and moral failure. This reflects on the addicts, who often have a harder time trusting themselves because of it and descend into self-loathing and depression.
Getting out of that hell begins with seeking help and involves eventually learning to trust one’s own self again. Recovery goes through a great many challenges and struggles, helping people heal both physically and emotionally, to move past addiction and live happy and healthy sober lives – one of the many challenges is reintegrating into the lives of others, by being social, making friends, and contacting family. But before that can be done, the patient must decide they are ready to trust themselves and believe in their own dependability and accountability. Programs presented at special facilities like sober living homes specialize in such concepts, by integrating social interaction and responsibility into the recovery program, through outdoor events and shared chores.
Once someone with a history of addiction can learn to trust themselves again, they begin to try and trust others – and open themselves to new relationships or try and fix broken ones.
How Relationships Can Make or Break Recovery
Nothing is without risk – but one of the greater risks in life is opening to a relationship with another person. Whether that means trusting your lover and partner with the most intimate details of your life or putting your life in the hands of a best friend, there is always a little voice that reminds us that trusting someone else means more uncertainty for the future.
When bad things happen, having a support system is crucial. Many recovery programs stress that a long life of sobriety must have an emergency plan for severe events and situations, such as tragic and sudden loss or other emotional rollercoasters. Friends and family make up the backbone of that support system, and the more people you must rely on in moments of crisis, the less likely you are to revert to drugs as a form of coping.
But in the worst-case scenario, it is your relationships that are the source of your emotional pain. In those cases, a relationship can indeed break rather than make your recovery, by pushing you back down into the dark pit rather than helping you stay out of it.
Know When You Are Ready
Being in a relationship with someone is a big deal. Romantic relationships and the kind of fraternal/sororal platonic relationships that last lifetimes are incredibly valuable to your emotional health. To be able to speak to someone in full confidence, have their full trust and give your own to them, is precious. To be able to comfort one another and be there as pillars of stability and support in times of great need, is precious. And if that all comes crashing down one way or the other, it can be a major crisis.
Every time you fall in love, you risk that pain. And every time you trust someone as much as a person can trust, you risk that pain. It is up to you to decide that you have come far enough in the recovery process to survive without drugs if you ever must face that pain and trust the other person enough to believe that you will never have to face that pain.
This is not an excuse for you to avoid relationships and social contact for the next few years, out of fear. Trying to be among people and make new friends is part of the recovery process – learning to trust other people is part of the recovery process.
But do so with caution. Understand the risks. Do not let a relationship grow faster than you might be prepared for and know when you are ready.